I continue to have the honor of joining a few other mamas in a blog circle. Each month we write letters to our sweet babies. When you’re finished reading mine, click to read Holli’s post. Keep reading the letters and following the links, and you’ll eventually come full circle, back here.
Being your Mother
We celebrated my favorite holiday this month. While, I am so excited we got to celebrate your 7th birthday Gunnar, this is the not the holiday I am talking about. Instead of talking about our past month, I want to tell you about being your mother.
Each of you were formed in my womb. You were an actual part of me for 9 months. You relied on me to breathe, to survive. I was able to provide you with oxygen, nourishment, and protection as our Creator continued to work…10 tiny fingers, 10 tiny toes, a little bit of hair for some of you. The first time I saw each of you we were in the doctor’s office. An overwhelming feeling of love, appreciation, and pride filled my heart as I watched you move about on the ultrasound screen. When I felt you move for the first time small butterflies filled my tummy, a feeling similar to when I first kissed your Daddy. You continued to grow and soon those butterflies turned into constant pokes in the ribcage, reminding me you were still a part of me, as if my belly was not enough proof.
And then, you came. Each of you in all your beauty, screaming letting us know you were here. You were making your first mark on this Earth. A blessing. The best gift your Daddy and I have ever received. The next several minutes you laid on my bare chest and I could not take my gaze off you, intently getting to know each of you outside of the womb for the first time.
It was then time to take you home. The first time, not having a clue what to do. Then each time that followed getting a little easier and more comfortable amidst the evident chaos of not only the other 2 grown babies, but the disarrayed house that was clear to any visitor upon walking through the doors. Our first several weeks were filled with sleepless nights, and endless nursing sessions. We cuddled, and I held you for what some would say was too often.
After the first few months home with you, it was time for someone else to take care of you during the day when I was to return to work. Having faith that someone else would love you just as much as I did, as I put you in their arms and walked away. Having faith, that someone would teach you lessons in my absence. Having faith, you would be happy and safe. Each of these prayers have been immensely answered (thank you Grammy and Angelica for being a step in mom for our babies…we are grateful).
Before long, you were learning to walk. Gunnar, you took the longest to learn this skill. You were reliant on your little hands tightly grasping the index finger on each of my mine as I leaned over to guide you with each step. I knew my back could not repeat this for the next 2 of you. Once each of you had walking down, you quickly relied on running to get you where you wanted to go. I would watch your every step trying to prevent any harm to come your way. I would take advantage of this for as long as I was able too.
Right about here is where your personalities started to blossom. Or, should I say explode (Ahem…Finley). You are each unique. Equally beautiful. Varying degrees of sassy (Ahem…Finley, again). You are set apart from one another and created how the Lord orchestrated you. You are ornery, you fight, you pick at one another, you drive me bananas often. Most days are hard. Some days are long. But, being your mother, and getting to raise the 3 of you with your Daddy, is the best job I have.
You each continue to grow…both physically, emotionally, intellectually. I love watching you grow. I love watching you accomplish new things. I love watching you learn and use your brains. I love teaching you about love and service. About being kind and loving. About being a good friend to others. About being confident. About being humble, and knowing you will not be the best at everything.
Encourage each other, and others, to always be their best and try their best. Don’t forget to give yourself grace. You will always be learning and working on yourselves. I still am today. But, I am proud of who I am. I am proud of who I am becoming. I am proud to be your mother.
“You are valuable because you exist. Not because of what you do or what you have done, but simply because YOU ARE.” – Max Lucado
I love you,